Dark and Twisty .

Dark and twisty . We are dark and twisty . Deep down we are all just dark and twisty , scary and damaged . Just like Grey's Anatomy , minus the sex in the OR and in the on call room . Let me start off by saying that i'm not alcoholic . I repeat . I'm not alcoholic . Getting drunk 2 nights in a row does not constitute to one being crazy wife beater . besides , if more than anything , getting drunk 2 nights in row , is what college students do . I don't want to grow old and be all repressed and wonder where did all my university go to . I want to remember the devil's playground and the numerous victims we claimed .

That being said . I'm still dark and twisty . Recently . Okay . fine . Not recently . like right now , alvin & yuen keong both talking to me about how i'm all depressed and wasting my life away and staging some sort of intervention to my drinking life . Something to that effect . How does one even begin to response to that ? I agree with michelle on how life has been absolutely uninspiring and a total bore and everyone foiling expectations on you . Let's face it . Life just sucks . There's no two ways about it . It just does .

Yet , as one would recognise in Hedda Gabler , it is of utmost importance that one keeps up with propriety . Which 2 years of council would have probably given us a good grounding in . Look happy , look energetic for orientation . Be the councillor , greet the teachers , be the perfect student even though u feel like shit inside . You just somehow to not just manage to to pull through respectably regardless of what people throw your way . You survive .

Which is truly the cause of the problem isn't it ? You maintain a surface of exterior calmness and determine not to let anyone chink ur armour . But inside , it's a different story and soon . It's just tiring to pretend u're oh so perfect . even with the material comforts , it doesn't change a single thing . It's King Lear , Hedda Gabler and Blake rolled into one . A huge mess of drama folding in your own personal life . There should be literature essays about this . "Analyse you life in reference to the works of Shakspeare , Ibsen and Blake " . It'll be one hell of an essay . hell , it might even end up being my autobiography .

So what if what i want is not what i need ? okay . that was rhetorical . You second guess yourself so much that u get urself stuck . I think that's why i make a great corporate comms officer . I know the response before i say . Plus . i have the amazing ability of saying everything but meaning nothing . All sound and fury signfying nothing . I think we need a change . A change would do u good . Something brand new , not tainted by the past . ( waylon is just adorable btw ) just saw the picture on bel's blog .

Anyway , point is . Right now , i just want to do what i feel like doing . If that includes drinking 1 pint + 3.5 bottles of beer in 2 hours , it's my choice . 0.5 coz i was too gone to finish the remainding 0.5 . That's point 1 . Point 2 . is the fatalistic flaw . I've been conditioned to thrive and escape . I'm too smart for me .

So thanks for the concern and like i've said . until u catch me spiking my ice vanilla latte with vanilla vodka which by then i'll a real alcoholic . OR if i fail all my modules or something . until then , i'm fine . really . okay . sorta fine .