My "Job"

Technically it's not a job . It's my cca . Managing Director for VIE . I love to hate my job . But i love what i do . It's eating up all my time , but i love coordinating the photoshoots and be part of creating that certain look . There are days which i like it so much that i contemplate starting another magazine when i'm done with this gig . However , all my insecurities are gnawing away and i keep thinking what if i don't do a good job or the end product is not something i want . Now i know why i wanted to take up photography . Not that i don't trust my photographers , but i'm a complete control freak sometimes and i oughta learn to let go . I'm an on the hands person and i'll go lengths to pursue what i want to create . When the september issues of magazines are out i'm going to start tagging pictures and speaking to my designers . It's tedious process , but it's the only way that i can sorta guarantee what i want the end product of the magazine to look like . It's my control freak tendencies kicking in . I have all these ideas kicking in , but it's just not translating into physical products. It's frustrating , and it makes me hate working with people . especially people who cannot take direction . Yes yes .. i keep hearing how this is a team effort thing and yet i'm grateful for all the help i've gotten , but we still have SO much more way to go . I think bottom line is how .. if you want something to be the best , everyone has to put in their best and it sucks that i sometimes feel that i'm the only one doing so . Haha .. and i thought writing a 9 page proposal to OSL for more budget was the hard part . Anyway .. i'm pulling an ambitious photoshoot on saturday with vespas, models and all . Cross all your fingers. I'm still looking for that fantastic dress .

EDIT . I heart my job . today's photoshoot is simply fantabulous . can't wait for the end result .